How Personality is Affected by Met & Unmet Needs

Prepare how to parent your new adopted child. The first step is understanding the conditions in an orphange and how that impacts the children. Secondly, learning about the basic human needs we all have helps us realize where our child will probably be lacking. Life in an orphanage is very depressing, lonely (being just a body in a crowd), non-stimulating, and emotionally empty.

Based on Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs is the premise that our unsatisfied needs will continually have the greatest influence on our personality, behavior and actions. When we fail to have a certain level of needs met, our emotional development is stunted. We are innately protective of our self and whether we are aware of it or not, we are primarily motivated by our needs. Following is my understanding of these needs, and I try to apply it to children.

1st Need: BODY NEEDS-- these are very basic yet extremely strong needs. Without these needs met, there is a failure to thrive; a person could literally die. These needs include water, air, food, sleep and touch.
As Lois pointed out, a lot of orphans are already deprived of these necessities. Food is sparce, dehydration is
common (since children are allowed very little fluids a day), and being held and touched enough is rare. When
these needs go unmet, a person experiences irritation, discomfort and even physical pain. In such a state of
being, sleep is restless or impossible. If this is the reality for our little boy, then his emotional growth has
become stagnant at this first level. He is aware of his hunger, his thirst, and his physical detachment. For us
as his new family, our first focus will be on meeting these basic needs and helping him learn that these needs
will always be met. Once he begins to believe that assurance, he will be able to progress emotionally and
obviously physically as well. We are going to hold him constantly, cuddle, tickle, and Lois even suggested that
we have him sleep with us (that's right up our alley!).

2nd Need: SECURITY-- in children, this is an especially great need. Their well-being largely depends on their feeling protected and safe. A stable family life, regular routines, familiar and consistently involved people and
emotionally strong parents is essential. Kids deeply need a solid and unchanging home life in such a big and
scary and chaotic world.

3rd Need: LOVE-- people need to experience what love is, to see what it is capable of and that it is unconditional. Love offers belonging (in a family), it shows affection, and it delights in the child. The child will feel what it is like to
be fully accepted for who he is! "Love is patient, love is kind. ...It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily
angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ...It always protects, ... always perseveres. Love never fails."
1 Cor. 13:4-8

4th Need: ESTEEM-- without this, a child feels worthless, a Nobody. In order to become ambitious and maintain
healthy relationships, we need to have our own self-respect. Self-esteem is the result of accomplishment. A
child will need opportunities to develop their individual talents, to make mistakes without seeing themselves
as failures, and to be recognized for their effort and accomplishments. Attention from others is like a child's
reflection of himself; how he is regarded is how he will see himself. Praise, eye-contact, smiles, and patience
with his attempts are imperative to his self-esteem.

5th Need: SELF-ACTUALIZATION-- (is this a psycho-babble word?!) This means that once all the previous needs are satisfied, a person will have the desire to reach his full potential. He will want to find his own purpose in life.
He will take on hobbies and interests that he enjoys because he knows he is capable of doing anything. This is
on-going personal growth. This is a parent's goal for her children!

These are the needs that Maslow has identified in all people. You don't have to agree, but you can see the point: our personality is shaped by the conditions we are raised in. I'd like to add that another need not to be neglected is our spiritual need. We want to know we are not an accident, that we were created for a reason, that God loves us because He already knows us intimately. If we are just an accident, then there is simply no purpose for us to even try to have our needs met. If we can introduce our little children to their Creator, they will feel assured that God will always make provision for their physical needs; their sense of security will come from knowing that their little life is always in the palm of God's hand; that they were planned and loved from the very beginning; their life belongs to God; their identity is in knowing that God sees them as precious, not how the world sees them; and that God had a purpose for their life and He will enable them to attain it.